Q: It is hard when you realize not everyone has the same heart as you. I have a friend I would do anything for, but she would not lift a finger for me. When is the time to stop doing things for that person? Should I cut them off? Or should I be the bigger person and continue to make the effort?
A: It sounds like you have a generous heart and have gone above and beyond to invest in your friendship. Here are a couple of things to think about. Friendships develop when you create a history with another person. Intimacy is developed over time as you experience life’s ups and downs together. Your temperament may be different than your friends, and you may have different love languages. She might be speaking to you in her love language as opposed to speaking to you in your love language. If so, then you may not be hearing each other. The general rule in most relationships is we reap what we sow. Overtime your genuine acts of kindness will have influence. Completely cutting the friendship off may be a waste unless it is a destructive relationship. BUT if you continue to sense that the friendship is not being reciprocated you can simply adjust your expectations and reframe this friendship as more of a fond acquaintance than a BFF.
Patti Hatton, MA, LPC